i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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