Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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