Soap is not a condiment
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
