Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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