I can text with my tongue
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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