last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
