it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
