that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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