ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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