Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize