we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
