I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
