dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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