he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
