I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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