i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
