Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
