What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
