i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
