The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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