To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
love makes seman taste better
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
