cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
