Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
