Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
