Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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