i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
