id be glad to
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
