oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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