Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
