I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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