question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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