we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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