i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish you could order shots online.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
