Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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