I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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