I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
