Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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