maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
