So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
