We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
