Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My bed smells like the plague
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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