jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
