i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
