is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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