The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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