His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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