My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
