two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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