Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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