i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
