just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
