If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
