Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
