Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
