I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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