Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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