I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Randomize