Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
