i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize