I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
