There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
