His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
