I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
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