I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
