just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
