talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
