Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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