I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
