I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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