Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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