mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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