I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
