the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
