every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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