I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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