while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
