Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
