i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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