I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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