It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
