Who wears a wallet chain?!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
