as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
