College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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