I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
